Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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