fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
