just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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