He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
