My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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