the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
