dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
