Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
