I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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