I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
