Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
