I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
