dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
