so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
