3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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