My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it hurts more in the daytime
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
