Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
