Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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