RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
