I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
