I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
