are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
