apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
