ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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