I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
