I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
