why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
