I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
