I accidentally had phone sex last night
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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