So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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