Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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