FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
