i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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