He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
