your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You ruined the universe
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
