That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
