i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
