Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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