Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
