I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
