How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
