All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
