Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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