My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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