I wish I could teleport
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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