They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
