Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
