i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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