my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
