he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
