He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
