i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
