3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Randomize
